Your eyes stare into space
I try to search deep into your soul
To find the man I once knew
But he is not there.
The emptiness goes beyond compare
Where are you..? I ask.
Where have you gone..?
Speak to me …
I love you still
I want you back
Many of you will know that Steve is now in permanent care at a lovely facility called Linsell Lodge, which is run by the Salvation Army. He has been there since 8th March this year; he was in respite from the beginning of February at another facility who unfortunately couldn’t take him on as a permanent resident.
I’m not entirely sure whether Steve has settled yet – he is calmer than he was, as he was showing aggression towards some of the staff, and consequently he had to be medicated, which was upsetting to see him so sleepy all the time.
These photos below show what this horrible disease is doing to my beloved husband, and Pamsie and Andrew’s adored dad.
It has been a matter of months – eight to be precise – to see him change so drastically. It has completely ravaged him. It is devastating and heart-breaking to watch this fit, healthy, vibrant, fun-loving, cheeky man develop into a shell of his former self. I struggle with the daily difference, as do Pamsie and Andrew.
You will notice that he has lost quite a bit of weight – he used to weigh 73 kg about 18 months ago. He currently weights around 66.5 kg. I hope he doesn’t lose too much more. This could be due to his medication, the fact that he’s not eating as much as he used to or that he’s getting up in the middle of the meals and leaving the dining room, or just a general decline. The dietician will be monitoring this and trying other foods and protein drinks – it’s a case of try it to see if he likes it.
He is declining far faster than we thought he would. Life is just so not fair sometimes.